My senses were heightened as a brisk wind hit me the short block and a half walk to get a sandwich on my lunch break. My ears were opened to the cries of angry people. My eyes were opened to the eyes of lonely people. My heart was opened to a homeless man who finds better love from a dog than the people passing him every day.
Despite the sirens and the chatter, the car engines and the wind, what echoed in my mind were the lyrics "it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah." Those words finally hit me and rang so true with a hurting world surrounding me.
We're all just beggars at His door crying out, and it's a cold and broken hallelujah.
I try to be kind and smile at as many people as possible. I hold a short conversation with the woman serving me in the lunch line. I hope and pray that those things are enough because right now I feel as if that's all I can do. Give a little kindness. Show a little love. Remind someone to be thankful for a warm work place.
But really, my heart breaks. My cold and broken hallelujah is that one that cries out for other people to wake up. My hallelujah praises in the hope that there is more. Be thankful for what you have. Give away what you don't need. Because your hallelujah may be for your family or your friends, your hallelujah might be for a new jacket or food for your pet, your hallelujah might be cold and broken, but it's not any more cold and broken than anyone elses. We're all crying out. We're all praising with a hallelujah. We're all cold and broken.
The only way to make those hallelujahs warm and whole is by being Jesus, by bringing Jesus into the cold and broken, by sharing love and smiles with those who need it just as much as you do. Because we're all drastically different, but we're all simply the same. We're all in need of a Savior.
Be more. Do more.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Freedom isn't free.
Free adj /frē/ 2 a: not determined by anything beyond its own nature or being: choosing or capable of choosing for itself
Miriam Webster online has 15 different definitions for free as an adjective with each also having sub definitions. It seems like such a simple word, such a simple concept. It's not. And it's a lot harder to actually be free than one might assume.
What am you talking about? We're in America. We are free. We have our rights and our liberties and the pursuit of happiness. Yeah... About that. There's these things called humans. They mess stuff up.
I had to touch on the obvious political side, but truth is, I hate politics.
The freedom I'm seeking is a spiritual freedom, a way of life. The freedom I desire cannot be found in Webster's dictionary. It can't be defined. It lies deep with my soul and aches to be achieved. Every minute of every day.
Everything in me cries out to be more and have more. I don't want to be defined or confined by traditions or belief systems or parental consent or peer approval. I want to be capable of choosing for myself.
It's easy for us to let our lives get bogged down by all of these things. We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, putting things aside to figure out later, repressing emotions because the time isn't right to deal with them, picking up other people's burdens because it breaks our heart to see them carry it on their own. That is not freedom.
Everyone has a belief system. We are a part of a faith community. These communities develop a norm and find comfort in this norm. We have this need to define things so that they are not beyond our understanding. When we don't understand something, we don't have control of it and that scares us. Where there is control, there is comfort. That is not freedom.
We don't get to choose our family. Well, in a way we do. We choose our friends and they often become our second family, or sometimes our first family. But you don't pick your bloodline and most of the time you can't get away from them. With family comes more expectations and burdens and traditions. That is not freedom.
My heart desires more because the Holy Spirit lives in me. The Holy Spirit lives in you and I and He cannot be defined or confined. I'm keeping Him locked up and in line with the rules and He can't take it any more. The lion wants to be set free.
Jesus said his yoke is easy and his burden is light. I want to reclaim that.
What is your cage? How are you keeping the Holy Spirit tucked away? How can we set Him free? What would it look like if we did?
Stop trying to breathe under water. Break the surface. Fill your lungs with fresh air. See what it feels like to be free. I bet you won't turn back.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Do it for Jesus
I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him. (Romans 12:3 MSG)
It's not about us. It's not about us at all. Every day we need to leave ourselves in the grave and put on Christ. Nothing good that we do is of us but it's him living in us. We are not good so we could never be good enough to earn or be worthy of the great gift that we have been given. We could never be worthy on our own. So give it up. Stop trying to meet the mark of the law. You can't do it. You are setting yourselves up for failure. Instead take all of that list checking, rule keeping energy and throw yourselves into the lives of the poor and needy.
No one is perfect. No one knows everything and no one is going to ever do everything right. Likewise is no body or congregation of people perfect. Getting it as close to perfect as possible still isn't perfect and doesn't make any body better or more right than another body. All have fallen short. So stop fighting. Stop picking eachother apart and bringing eachother down. Instead use all of that fighting and picking energy to band together for a greater cause. For the cause of Christ. The real cause of Christ. To serve in love. That's what the gospel is about.
Do it all in the name of God. He is who makes you capable. He is the one who gives you your very existence and breathes life into you. Breathe life into others. Lift eachother up. Give where there is need. Grow roots into eachothers lives that run deep.
I really want to see what it would look like. I don't want to just talk about it. I want to do something about it. I want to make it happen. I don't know how but I know God will show me. Start the revolution with me. Please. For Jesus.
It's not about us. It's not about us at all. Every day we need to leave ourselves in the grave and put on Christ. Nothing good that we do is of us but it's him living in us. We are not good so we could never be good enough to earn or be worthy of the great gift that we have been given. We could never be worthy on our own. So give it up. Stop trying to meet the mark of the law. You can't do it. You are setting yourselves up for failure. Instead take all of that list checking, rule keeping energy and throw yourselves into the lives of the poor and needy.
No one is perfect. No one knows everything and no one is going to ever do everything right. Likewise is no body or congregation of people perfect. Getting it as close to perfect as possible still isn't perfect and doesn't make any body better or more right than another body. All have fallen short. So stop fighting. Stop picking eachother apart and bringing eachother down. Instead use all of that fighting and picking energy to band together for a greater cause. For the cause of Christ. The real cause of Christ. To serve in love. That's what the gospel is about.
Do it all in the name of God. He is who makes you capable. He is the one who gives you your very existence and breathes life into you. Breathe life into others. Lift eachother up. Give where there is need. Grow roots into eachothers lives that run deep.
I really want to see what it would look like. I don't want to just talk about it. I want to do something about it. I want to make it happen. I don't know how but I know God will show me. Start the revolution with me. Please. For Jesus.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Death and New Life.
There's a chill in the air and in my bones.
Leaves fall from the trees, lay among the stones.
They're dying but you can't tell.
From the beautiful colors, they look well.
Everything falls apart as the seasons change.
All different, yet all the same.
A cycle of death and resurrection,
Leads life in a new direction.
Love is present through it all.
Hope rising, even in the fall.
There's something about this season, about fall, that makes my heart glad. The cold makes me appreciate my comforter and my unnecessary six pillows on my bed. It makes me appreciate my kitty and his warm coat that I can cuddle up with. The cold air feels refreshing in my lungs. Something about a cool breeze and a deep breath in tells me that everything is going to be okay. The beauty of fall makes me stop and stare.
When I think about it, that may be contrary to what most other people think of and feel in the fall. Fall is a time when most of nature is dying and preparing for the coldest time of year. Animals stock up on food and hide. Leaves fall and all other kinds of plants die. The ground gets hard. It gets dark earlier.
Some people get depressed in the fall and winter. I find hope.
If God can find a way for animals and plants to survive through their coldest and darkest time, of course he will do the same for me. If the leaves fall off the trees so their limbs can be coated in a beautiful blanket of white, then maybe God is doing the same with me. He's stripping away the old, to bring in the new. He is making me new.
Leaves fall from the trees, lay among the stones.
They're dying but you can't tell.
From the beautiful colors, they look well.
Everything falls apart as the seasons change.
All different, yet all the same.
A cycle of death and resurrection,
Leads life in a new direction.
Love is present through it all.
Hope rising, even in the fall.
There's something about this season, about fall, that makes my heart glad. The cold makes me appreciate my comforter and my unnecessary six pillows on my bed. It makes me appreciate my kitty and his warm coat that I can cuddle up with. The cold air feels refreshing in my lungs. Something about a cool breeze and a deep breath in tells me that everything is going to be okay. The beauty of fall makes me stop and stare.
When I think about it, that may be contrary to what most other people think of and feel in the fall. Fall is a time when most of nature is dying and preparing for the coldest time of year. Animals stock up on food and hide. Leaves fall and all other kinds of plants die. The ground gets hard. It gets dark earlier.
Some people get depressed in the fall and winter. I find hope.
If God can find a way for animals and plants to survive through their coldest and darkest time, of course he will do the same for me. If the leaves fall off the trees so their limbs can be coated in a beautiful blanket of white, then maybe God is doing the same with me. He's stripping away the old, to bring in the new. He is making me new.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Symphony
Three people were baptized into the body of Christ this weekend at OVU. I knew two of them. It's very encouraging to hear and it really makes my heart glad to know that God is moving in a place I've called home. I will rejoice in these new brothers.
On the other hand, my heart aches. My heart aches in knowing that great things are happening there and I'm not a part of it. My heart aches in knowing that so many people I love are growing closer and I am not. God is present on a campus when I am not there. Home became more home once I left.
Where is home anyway? I've thought that home was a place but not a physical place. Rather a place of emotional state because of the people and comfort and love. Now I'm realizing that it's not the people but the Christ in the people. It is God that is home.
So for many reasons, it makes sense to me that when I leave a place that didn't feel like home anymore, to come to my first home and find God again, that He now be at school when I'm gone. He's showing me. Maybe I've learned my lesson. It's not about me and what I can do. Or anyone else and what they can do. It's about Him.
For this I have one word. Bittersweet. It's hard to trust God in a time when I don't see him working in my life. It's hard to trust God when I'm at an in between and I'm giving it all up to him. It's scary because I'm taking a step but I don't know where I'm putting my foot yet. Right now might be bittersweet, but it's all part of the symphony.
Sometimes you have to rest for a few measures in order to give the full effect. The music is beautiful and you always want to be a part of making that beautiful music, but it's not always your time to play. Sometimes you have to sit and take in the melody while you wait to come in for the chorus. You didn't write the song. You don't know what's going to happen. I have to trust the one who did write it, and know that my part is perfect just the way he wrote it, especially if I've never heard the song before.
It's a bittersweet symphony. But something tells me that in the end, it will be more sweet than bitter.
On the other hand, my heart aches. My heart aches in knowing that great things are happening there and I'm not a part of it. My heart aches in knowing that so many people I love are growing closer and I am not. God is present on a campus when I am not there. Home became more home once I left.
Where is home anyway? I've thought that home was a place but not a physical place. Rather a place of emotional state because of the people and comfort and love. Now I'm realizing that it's not the people but the Christ in the people. It is God that is home.
So for many reasons, it makes sense to me that when I leave a place that didn't feel like home anymore, to come to my first home and find God again, that He now be at school when I'm gone. He's showing me. Maybe I've learned my lesson. It's not about me and what I can do. Or anyone else and what they can do. It's about Him.
For this I have one word. Bittersweet. It's hard to trust God in a time when I don't see him working in my life. It's hard to trust God when I'm at an in between and I'm giving it all up to him. It's scary because I'm taking a step but I don't know where I'm putting my foot yet. Right now might be bittersweet, but it's all part of the symphony.
Sometimes you have to rest for a few measures in order to give the full effect. The music is beautiful and you always want to be a part of making that beautiful music, but it's not always your time to play. Sometimes you have to sit and take in the melody while you wait to come in for the chorus. You didn't write the song. You don't know what's going to happen. I have to trust the one who did write it, and know that my part is perfect just the way he wrote it, especially if I've never heard the song before.
It's a bittersweet symphony. But something tells me that in the end, it will be more sweet than bitter.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Brother Jesus
Earlier today I was thinking about the different names that I personally refer to God as.
I've always called him Father God in my prayers. I don't even know if I think about that or where it really came from. I guess it shows how I feel. Like God is my father but still my God. We're not close enough that I can just call him father.
Of course I call him God. I say I love God or I love the Lord. I actually really like the phrase "love the Lord." I use it a lot, or at least I used to. "Does so and so love the Lord?" "You don't love the Lord." "I don't think you love the Lord." It's usually in a joking manner but sometimes it's serious.
When I first realized that Christianity was about a personal relationship with God, I liked to refer to him as my redeemer, or my counselor. More recently I've liked to think of him as my comforter and my healer, because those are the things I'm needing most right now.
But when I think of the times that I'm not okay with God recently, the times that I'm upset or hurting or feel like I need to get right, it's not with God or Father or my comforter or healer. My "problem" is with Jesus. I've told some of my friends that I need Jesus back or I need to love Jesus again. When I thought about that more in depth, I realized that I think in a small measure, I'm mad at Jesus. I hate to admit that because it sounds so awful. I mean he did so much for me, and I'm mad at him? but I'm just being real.
I'm mad at Jesus as my brother, like a sibling rivalry type thing. I'm mad at him for being so perfect and doing everything right, so now Dad just pays attention to what he did, and nothing I do could measure up. I feel like I have to fill Jesus' shoes and some how one up him. I know that that's not possible. I feel like God loves me but Jesus was just being obedient to God and doesn't care about me. Jesus was just being a show off. Jesus set me up for failure.
But the truth of the matter is...
1. I am a co-heir with Jesus. Co, as in equal, as in God loves me just as much because I am in Jesus. I participated with him in what he did when I participated in baptism.
2. Well, honestly, I'm still trying to figure out the Jesus loves me part. I know the song and that it says "the bible tells me so," but I'm just not getting it right now. I mean obviously Jesus is one with God so he loves me and did everything he did for me, not just to be obedient to God or because it was why he was born, but I just gotta work through it.
Maybe I just need to grow up a little bit and get over the sibling rivalry thing.
I've always called him Father God in my prayers. I don't even know if I think about that or where it really came from. I guess it shows how I feel. Like God is my father but still my God. We're not close enough that I can just call him father.
Of course I call him God. I say I love God or I love the Lord. I actually really like the phrase "love the Lord." I use it a lot, or at least I used to. "Does so and so love the Lord?" "You don't love the Lord." "I don't think you love the Lord." It's usually in a joking manner but sometimes it's serious.
When I first realized that Christianity was about a personal relationship with God, I liked to refer to him as my redeemer, or my counselor. More recently I've liked to think of him as my comforter and my healer, because those are the things I'm needing most right now.
But when I think of the times that I'm not okay with God recently, the times that I'm upset or hurting or feel like I need to get right, it's not with God or Father or my comforter or healer. My "problem" is with Jesus. I've told some of my friends that I need Jesus back or I need to love Jesus again. When I thought about that more in depth, I realized that I think in a small measure, I'm mad at Jesus. I hate to admit that because it sounds so awful. I mean he did so much for me, and I'm mad at him? but I'm just being real.
I'm mad at Jesus as my brother, like a sibling rivalry type thing. I'm mad at him for being so perfect and doing everything right, so now Dad just pays attention to what he did, and nothing I do could measure up. I feel like I have to fill Jesus' shoes and some how one up him. I know that that's not possible. I feel like God loves me but Jesus was just being obedient to God and doesn't care about me. Jesus was just being a show off. Jesus set me up for failure.
But the truth of the matter is...
1. I am a co-heir with Jesus. Co, as in equal, as in God loves me just as much because I am in Jesus. I participated with him in what he did when I participated in baptism.
2. Well, honestly, I'm still trying to figure out the Jesus loves me part. I know the song and that it says "the bible tells me so," but I'm just not getting it right now. I mean obviously Jesus is one with God so he loves me and did everything he did for me, not just to be obedient to God or because it was why he was born, but I just gotta work through it.
Maybe I just need to grow up a little bit and get over the sibling rivalry thing.
Monday, September 19, 2011
From the Foot of the Mountain
This is something I have wanted to do, and known that I've needed to do for a while now but I just can't seem to. Life is full of distractions. I can't seem to find the time. I depend on my friends too much. So many voices speak into my life and I don't know who to listen to. So I want to turn down the noise, shut out the other voices, have nothing else to lean on and be one with God. I want to run back to Him and be whole again.
That is part of a note I wrote to some of my closest friends to let them know of a journey I'm taking. I'm currently on what I'm calling a "friend fast" and tonight, I miss my friends. I kind of feel like writing here is cheating because my friends can read this but that's not the point. When I write, I'm sharing my thoughts and ideas with anyone and everyone... That's weird to think about. But it's true. Sometimes I share my cries and my prayers.
I miss my friends dearly, because they are my support system. They are my sisters just as much as my real sisters are. They know me and they still love me. They know when I'm being stupid or selfish. They have held me as I cried. They have laughed with me until we all cried.
Tonight, as I wrestle through what I means to be radically obedient and give up my life to live for God, I don't know where the balance is of friendship. Jesus had twelve close friends whom he loved. Whom he knew all about and still love. Whom he laughed and cried with. So I can too, right?
Right. But we can't get too comfortable. Our friendships need to push each other. We need to be the ones who will call each other out and say "get behind me satan." We need to be the ones who break down the walls and keep pushing until the darkness is brought into the light. If we can't be real with each other, who will we be real with?
But still, at the end of the night, I realize that that's not where I am yet. I don't know myself, because I don't know God. I am made in his image and who we are, Him and I, is tied together. While I can learn more about God through my friends and see Jesus through their lives, I must go to God first.
Today I started reading Radical by David Platt. It's great so far. He tells a story about a discussion with some Buddhist's in India. He shares with them how their idea of religion is that God is up on some mountain and there are many paths which lead to him and we can choose whichever path we want. But David asks them "What if that God could come down to you instead of you going up to him?" And they responded with, "That would be great." And he told them about Jesus.
We are not worthy to climb the mountain to see God, but he sent Jesus to come be with us and make us worthy. So what I've learned about God, and myself today. Is that I need to make myself less, for the bigger picture. I need to meet people where they are. I need to love people enough to come to them and give up everything I have to make sure that they have the chance to know God.
That is part of a note I wrote to some of my closest friends to let them know of a journey I'm taking. I'm currently on what I'm calling a "friend fast" and tonight, I miss my friends. I kind of feel like writing here is cheating because my friends can read this but that's not the point. When I write, I'm sharing my thoughts and ideas with anyone and everyone... That's weird to think about. But it's true. Sometimes I share my cries and my prayers.
I miss my friends dearly, because they are my support system. They are my sisters just as much as my real sisters are. They know me and they still love me. They know when I'm being stupid or selfish. They have held me as I cried. They have laughed with me until we all cried.
Tonight, as I wrestle through what I means to be radically obedient and give up my life to live for God, I don't know where the balance is of friendship. Jesus had twelve close friends whom he loved. Whom he knew all about and still love. Whom he laughed and cried with. So I can too, right?
Right. But we can't get too comfortable. Our friendships need to push each other. We need to be the ones who will call each other out and say "get behind me satan." We need to be the ones who break down the walls and keep pushing until the darkness is brought into the light. If we can't be real with each other, who will we be real with?
But still, at the end of the night, I realize that that's not where I am yet. I don't know myself, because I don't know God. I am made in his image and who we are, Him and I, is tied together. While I can learn more about God through my friends and see Jesus through their lives, I must go to God first.
Today I started reading Radical by David Platt. It's great so far. He tells a story about a discussion with some Buddhist's in India. He shares with them how their idea of religion is that God is up on some mountain and there are many paths which lead to him and we can choose whichever path we want. But David asks them "What if that God could come down to you instead of you going up to him?" And they responded with, "That would be great." And he told them about Jesus.
We are not worthy to climb the mountain to see God, but he sent Jesus to come be with us and make us worthy. So what I've learned about God, and myself today. Is that I need to make myself less, for the bigger picture. I need to meet people where they are. I need to love people enough to come to them and give up everything I have to make sure that they have the chance to know God.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Love Conquers All
There's a whole bunch going on in my head right now. I'm sorting through all kinds of ideas about God and Jesus, grace and love, the law and salvation. Lots of things. My brain hurts. What's even worse is that I don't know how to articulate any of it to anyone. I wouldn't even know where to begin to share with you my thoughts. There's so much and it's all intertwined. It's messy and it's real... Kind of like Christianity, or at least what I think Christianity should be.
None of that really matters because that's all about me. What really matters is love... because that's all about Him.
God is love. Love covers a multitude of sins. The penalty of sin is death. Jesus conquered death.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.
Fear is from Satan. We are afraid of death because that is the penalty of our sins. But none of it matters because God is love and Jesus is God and Jesus beat death. Love covers it all. Jesus covered it all. We have nothing to be afraid of. Jesus was perfect love and He cast out fear for us.
For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
Let Him perfect you in His love.
None of that really matters because that's all about me. What really matters is love... because that's all about Him.
God is love. Love covers a multitude of sins. The penalty of sin is death. Jesus conquered death.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.
Fear is from Satan. We are afraid of death because that is the penalty of our sins. But none of it matters because God is love and Jesus is God and Jesus beat death. Love covers it all. Jesus covered it all. We have nothing to be afraid of. Jesus was perfect love and He cast out fear for us.
For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
Let Him perfect you in His love.
Crazy Beautiful
Last night I walked out of Walmart, in a fairly chipper mood, definitely thankful for God and the things He's doing in my life and just kind of happy to be alive. I looked up and there was a bright full rainbow in the sky. It was kind of weird because it was kind of late at night, like 7. I had never seen a rainbow that late at night. The other cool thing was that the sky was pretty cloudy and it wasn't really blue but rather orange, because as I found when I turned around, the sun was setting. So on one side there was a crazy beautiful rainbow and on the other, a crazy beautiful sunset full of vibrant oranges, pinks, reds, and purples. Needless to say, I was in awe of God.
Today I finished a book called Fall to Grace by Jay Bakker. It was a crazy beautiful book. Obviously it was about grace, which isn't something I've really thought about a whole lot, and frankly I've taken for granted. This book really made me think about it and it made me want to get out my bible and see what grace really is all about. Is this guy for real? because if he is, that's a God I want to know. That's a God I want to tell my friends about. That's the God I've been looking for. There were a handful of things in the book that I didn't care for so much, and towards the end he really pulled out one particular topic in which he sees grace to be necessary and that kind of bugged me because it wasn't really needed. As a whole though, the book was great and exactly what I needed to read right now.
I've begun an adventure. I'm soul searching. I'm diving into some ideas that have been swirling around in my head and I want to pin them down. I want to make them concrete and be confident in them.
Last night's sky pictures were crazy beautiful. Those are the best words to describe it. Sometimes God just touches. He speaks. He says, "I'm right here, with you always." When I think about it He does that a lot. He does it through some other things in my life that are crazy beautiful...
The innocent laughter of my niece as she falls to her face and drops her cookie...
Crazy Beautiful.
A conversation about anything and everything between a mother and a daughter... Organic and healing...
Crazy Beautiful.
Shoes and shirts. Glasses and bracelets. People who come up with ideas to provide for those who are in need. People who give a voice to those who cannot speak up...
Crazy Beautiful.
A man crucified on a cross, the penalty of sins that he did not commit... Love unconditional, pure, and perfect... Grace unending...
Crazy. Beautiful.
Tonight I am thankful for so much. I am blessed and I pray that I can embrace grace and serve. I pray that it changes me from the inside out.
Today I finished a book called Fall to Grace by Jay Bakker. It was a crazy beautiful book. Obviously it was about grace, which isn't something I've really thought about a whole lot, and frankly I've taken for granted. This book really made me think about it and it made me want to get out my bible and see what grace really is all about. Is this guy for real? because if he is, that's a God I want to know. That's a God I want to tell my friends about. That's the God I've been looking for. There were a handful of things in the book that I didn't care for so much, and towards the end he really pulled out one particular topic in which he sees grace to be necessary and that kind of bugged me because it wasn't really needed. As a whole though, the book was great and exactly what I needed to read right now.
I've begun an adventure. I'm soul searching. I'm diving into some ideas that have been swirling around in my head and I want to pin them down. I want to make them concrete and be confident in them.
Last night's sky pictures were crazy beautiful. Those are the best words to describe it. Sometimes God just touches. He speaks. He says, "I'm right here, with you always." When I think about it He does that a lot. He does it through some other things in my life that are crazy beautiful...
Friends who love me and encourage me to be the best version of myself, push me to be better... They are crazy beautiful. Each and every one of them, of you...
Crazy Beautiful.The innocent laughter of my niece as she falls to her face and drops her cookie...
Crazy Beautiful.
A conversation about anything and everything between a mother and a daughter... Organic and healing...
Crazy Beautiful.
Shoes and shirts. Glasses and bracelets. People who come up with ideas to provide for those who are in need. People who give a voice to those who cannot speak up...
Crazy Beautiful.
A man crucified on a cross, the penalty of sins that he did not commit... Love unconditional, pure, and perfect... Grace unending...
Crazy. Beautiful.
Peace, blessings, and amazing grace be with you.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Today, I want to be in heaven.
There are some days that I just don't want to get out of bed in the morning. Most days actually. I like to blame it on this thing they call "depression." You've never heard of it, I'm sure. Many people have probably been there. You've got a test and you didn't study, so you would rather stay in bed. You're fighting with your best friend and you couldn't stand to see her face, so you just want to close your eyes and go back to sleep. Every day at work is the same, so what's the point... just. go. back. to. bed.
With all of this, I think there is a deeper struggle. A struggle that involves forces and desires that are beyond us. Because when I think about it, my issue isn't with my job, or my co-workers, or the dreaded train commute. I don't hate copying and pasting numbers and watching Charmed all day. What I hate is that I'm not a part of something bigger. Yes, I am a part of a huge cable company that brings smiles and tears and laughter and all these wonderful things to the people who watch TV. But who cares? What I hate is that I'm conforming to this world and going through my day to day life without doing anything that shouts Jesus died for you!
I want to be a part of something real. I want to be the voice for a people who don't have a voice. I want to do something that matters. I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus. And if I can't do that today, then I would rather stay in bed.
The struggle between my flesh and my soul is too strong. I'm tired of fighting. I want easy. So on days like today, easy would be to stop trying to make it in this world, and just be with Jesus. I could say I would like to die... which sounds dramatic and makes some people scared for my sanity or whatever, but I mean really, wouldn't you rather just be done and see Jesus? Yeah we all would, but that doesn't mean I should waste this life away wishing I were in heaven.
Even if all I do is smile at someone, it's something. It's a start. Being in this world makes not being of this world awfully difficult. So while I have a plan and a hope for my future, one that paints a picture of life spent in worship, I'm not there yet. Rip away the emotion and just take this for what it is, on days like today, I find no meaning in my life.
I could go on some rant about how everything we do matters, and we can take Jesus wherever we go and blah blah blah. That just doesn't seem real and today, in my doubts, it doesn't true. It's not enough. But I will leave with this... For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
We can't push through life trying to get to heaven, we need to bring heaven here. We need to be Christ. I need to bring heaven here. I need to be Christ.
With all of this, I think there is a deeper struggle. A struggle that involves forces and desires that are beyond us. Because when I think about it, my issue isn't with my job, or my co-workers, or the dreaded train commute. I don't hate copying and pasting numbers and watching Charmed all day. What I hate is that I'm not a part of something bigger. Yes, I am a part of a huge cable company that brings smiles and tears and laughter and all these wonderful things to the people who watch TV. But who cares? What I hate is that I'm conforming to this world and going through my day to day life without doing anything that shouts Jesus died for you!
I want to be a part of something real. I want to be the voice for a people who don't have a voice. I want to do something that matters. I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus. And if I can't do that today, then I would rather stay in bed.
The struggle between my flesh and my soul is too strong. I'm tired of fighting. I want easy. So on days like today, easy would be to stop trying to make it in this world, and just be with Jesus. I could say I would like to die... which sounds dramatic and makes some people scared for my sanity or whatever, but I mean really, wouldn't you rather just be done and see Jesus? Yeah we all would, but that doesn't mean I should waste this life away wishing I were in heaven.
Even if all I do is smile at someone, it's something. It's a start. Being in this world makes not being of this world awfully difficult. So while I have a plan and a hope for my future, one that paints a picture of life spent in worship, I'm not there yet. Rip away the emotion and just take this for what it is, on days like today, I find no meaning in my life.
I could go on some rant about how everything we do matters, and we can take Jesus wherever we go and blah blah blah. That just doesn't seem real and today, in my doubts, it doesn't true. It's not enough. But I will leave with this... For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
We can't push through life trying to get to heaven, we need to bring heaven here. We need to be Christ. I need to bring heaven here. I need to be Christ.
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