These past few weeks have flown by. I find myself using that phrase a lot lately. Everything seems like it's happening so quickly. Two months ago I would have been happy about this statement, but my feelings are starting to change. I've foolishly been wishing my year away because this year doesn't matter to me. I just want to be at school already. Well that's stupid of me. I have a purpose in this year. There is something I'm supposed to be doing. If nothing else I need to be spending my time wisely and growing closer to my God. I pray that from this point on I'm thankful for the time I have here at home and that I make use of it.
I have spent some precious time with some amazing people on my weekends. The first weekend in October I went to the Ladies' Retreat. It wasn't quite what I expected, but God was working on my heart. I met some amazing, inspiring women. Alicia Williamson was the speaker. She went to Harding. Her, her husband, and three other couples came up to New Jersey and planted a church after they graduated. They left everything they had, came to this place where they seemingly knew no one and spread God's word and love. She gave some good stories to use as a comparison as how we can view God. He could be holding a magnifying glass close to our face, viewing all of our imperfections and pointing them out disgustingly; or He could be a father who is holding us, his new born baby, in his arms, and he's looking in wonder at the parts of us he has perfectly made. I pray that we can all see our God as a loving God who made us just the way He wanted us.
The weekend after that I was in Pittsburgh for God's Girls :] This was an amazing weekend. I got to spend some great time with Jenna, Julie, and Tiana. I had amazing conversations with Jenna and just grew closer to her in our friendship. I took a prayer walk that made me see that I'm wasting my time away. I spent irreplaceable time with my girls from WV! Each one of them has touched my life and brought me closer to God. I had the best birthday I've had in a long time. We stayed for small group at Chris and Jenna's when we got back which was powerful and due to lack of a better word, educational.
Last weekend I was brought back home, to camp, for Stand Your Ground. SYG has become such an amazing spiritual experience. I loved everything about it this year. Adam was such a great speaker. I loved everything that he said. I spent some more time with Cookie Poo :] and Anna, and some new girls I met from WV. One of my favorite things was the way the invitation was done. I feel like the invitation has become such a task. People who need help and prayers are too afraid of judgment to go up. That's not the way it's supposed to be.
It's neat to look at where I was on my walk at SYG last year, and where I was this year. Last year God pricked my heart. He woke me up and said Maria you're not doing things right. Songs brought tears to my eyes as I listened to the words and saw the mistakes I was making. This year I'm of course not perfect, but I am stronger in my faith, and tears were brought to my eyes again, but this time because of the reality of the words, and my overwhelming feelings of love.
God continues to bless me everyday. I walk in the wrong direction and He brings me back. I curse His name and He calls me His own. God's love and grace is real. I see it everyday.
One of the things that stuck with me most about this past weekend was at the end of the retreat when we all sat there feeling loved and moved, Matt and Adam talked about how there were enough people in that room, that if we all got it, if we all understand what was being said to us, we could change the world. We could change the world. God's waiting for one generation to rise up and make the world His again. We could be that generation.
I want so badly to change the world. I want so badly to get people off their butts and wake them up. Everyday I look at the way this world is changing and the things going on around me, and it scares me. I don't know if I want to live here 20 years from now if the world keeps heading in this direction. But how do I light a fire? How do I get the dominoes to start falling in line to change this world? How do we become that generation?
Changing the world isn't something that just happens over night. It would take a lot. I get that. But where do you even start?!
I don't know. I know that nothing is impossible with God. If I want to change the world I can do it, but it sure feels impossible.
