This is something I have wanted to do, and known that I've needed to do for a while now but I just can't seem to. Life is full of distractions. I can't seem to find the time. I depend on my friends too much. So many voices speak into my life and I don't know who to listen to. So I want to turn down the noise, shut out the other voices, have nothing else to lean on and be one with God. I want to run back to Him and be whole again.
That is part of a note I wrote to some of my closest friends to let them know of a journey I'm taking. I'm currently on what I'm calling a "friend fast" and tonight, I miss my friends. I kind of feel like writing here is cheating because my friends can read this but that's not the point. When I write, I'm sharing my thoughts and ideas with anyone and everyone... That's weird to think about. But it's true. Sometimes I share my cries and my prayers.
I miss my friends dearly, because they are my support system. They are my sisters just as much as my real sisters are. They know me and they still love me. They know when I'm being stupid or selfish. They have held me as I cried. They have laughed with me until we all cried.
Tonight, as I wrestle through what I means to be radically obedient and give up my life to live for God, I don't know where the balance is of friendship. Jesus had twelve close friends whom he loved. Whom he knew all about and still love. Whom he laughed and cried with. So I can too, right?
Right. But we can't get too comfortable. Our friendships need to push each other. We need to be the ones who will call each other out and say "get behind me satan." We need to be the ones who break down the walls and keep pushing until the darkness is brought into the light. If we can't be real with each other, who will we be real with?
But still, at the end of the night, I realize that that's not where I am yet. I don't know myself, because I don't know God. I am made in his image and who we are, Him and I, is tied together. While I can learn more about God through my friends and see Jesus through their lives, I must go to God first.
Today I started reading Radical by David Platt. It's great so far. He tells a story about a discussion with some Buddhist's in India. He shares with them how their idea of religion is that God is up on some mountain and there are many paths which lead to him and we can choose whichever path we want. But David asks them "What if that God could come down to you instead of you going up to him?" And they responded with, "That would be great." And he told them about Jesus.
We are not worthy to climb the mountain to see God, but he sent Jesus to come be with us and make us worthy. So what I've learned about God, and myself today. Is that I need to make myself less, for the bigger picture. I need to meet people where they are. I need to love people enough to come to them and give up everything I have to make sure that they have the chance to know God.
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